Homeless

Ok, so technically we're not actually homeless. We're currently living with my wonderful in-laws, who are gracious enough to let us hang out here whilst we look for our new home sweet home. Since I am not paying rent or a mortgage yet am not living in a cardboard box, let's just say I'm between domiciles.

We're a little behind the times from a blogging perspective, so I'm going to do a quick recap. I have time to do this because, right now, at 11:44 PM on Friday night, Em is in a van in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of strangers preparing to get out at 3:00 AM or so and run for 5 miles as a part of a 188-mile relay race known as the Wasatch Back. Yeah, I don't get it either. Apparently there are prizes not only for the team that wins, but for "Best Decorated Car", "Best Team Name", and "Best Costume". Em's favorites so far: a team dressed like the cast of Xena, Warrior Princess and people wearing "Rabies Awareness Fun Run" T-shirts.

I'd rather stay up here than run 188 miles...

So being between domiciles definitely has some advantages. For example, nighttime is always a battle. Whenever it's time to brush their teeth / put on jammies / get in (or out) of the tub / read books / sing a song they cry and call for mom. I think the only thing they prefer to have me do is stuff that will a) otherwise get them into trouble or b) get them out of going to bed. I haven't quite figured out why this is. It might have to do with the fact that I tell them if they get out of bed the aliens will suck their brains out of their heads with a giant straw; dunno. Anyway, because they know that Grandma is around, they yell and scream and carry on until she acquiesces (I think this is a fancy term for "negotiates with terrorists") and rescues them / me from me / them.

Additionally, there is always good food to eat at my between domicile. But there is also really not good food to eat. Let me explain: when we first got there, both of the refrigerators were completely full of food. Upon a casual perusal, Em discovered that there were a number of… let's say "questionable" items contained therein. Further inspection revealed that had someone from the FDA been looking they likely could have arrested my in-laws for growing biological weapons next to the cream cheese. After an inventory of food (including leftovers from a Sunday dinner that I kid you not was more than 2 years ago) we got rid of a few things and now there is only good food to eat.

Speaking of food to eat, Jane made me laugh at dinner. We had popsicles for dessert, and Jane chose a green one, which led to the following Laurel and Hardy-esque dialogue:

Jane: "Mmmm, I just love Slime popsicles."
Me: "Jane, that's not slime… it's lime."
Jane: "I know, Slime."
Me: "It's LIME."
Jane: "Yeah, slime."
Rather than disabuse her of that, they shall from now on be known as Slime popsicles.

Finally, I have to talk about actually packing up our house, even though it was a long time ago. My entire adolescent life was spent with the assumption that, upon entering adulthood, I would find a fantastic job rescuing princesses and vanquishing evil for huge sums of money. My envisioned career path rhymed with "Splintendo" and "Innuendo." So when faced with the challenge of putting all of the contents of my house into a container 8'x8'x16' I knew that it was simply a matter of channeling my inner Tetris skills. I'd like to give a shout-out to Alexey Pajitnov (the inventor of Tetris) and thank him for providing the platform that prepared me for the challenge. As I was about to start loading, an ice cream truck drove up the circle, which normally would be annoying, but I took it as a sign. You see, this is likely the only ice cream truck in the world that plays the Tetris theme song while making the rounds.

So with the help of people from the ward and my stalwart brother in-law Steve, I got the high score for live-action Tetris and fit pretty much everything inside. Post-packing, I discovered that the day we loaded boxes was actually the 25-year anniversary of Tetris' creation. Fate was most definitely on my side.

Happiness Is.......

These are the things that have made me smile lately.

Happiness is....


....SELLING YOUR HOUSE!

(Or I guess I should technically say, "under contract." We sold it in a little over 3 weeks. This is nothing short of a miracle and we feel incredibly blessed. We are currently taking suggestions on what in the heck we should do now. )

......TRAMPOLINES


(I know. I know. They are dangerous. People break all kinds of body parts on them. They are also one of my very favorite things about my childhood. So, when Jevan's dad offered us their old one, we gladly accepted. I absolutely loved my trampoline growing up - from turning on a sprinkler underneath, to countless sleepovers, to making up dance routines to Beach Boy songs..{.did I say that out loud?} to jumping off the roof onto the tramp {don't tell my parents}, I spent countless hours outside on the tramp. I can't deny my kids the same fun just because they might break an arm. Am I a bad parent?)

...CELEBRATING THE HOUSE SELLING WITH A NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN - PIZZA, BOWLING AND ICE CREAM CONES



......SWIMMING.


Why this picture you ask? Because this is why I love swimming. Not only is it fun, but it tires out your kids like nothing else - sucks the energy right out of them...until they are falling asleep in their dinner. You swim in the early afternoon and you can put your kids to bed for the night at 4pm. So great.


......SELF PORTRAITS.
\
(Does anyone else get little surprises every time you download the camera?)

See? All kinds of things to make me smile. What makes you smile?

The wonderful thing about Janeys and Allies...

Every kid does funny things. And every parent think their kids are hilarious. Mine are no different, so please forgive me for regaling you with a few of the most recent ones.

1) As a parent, there are certain nights when you KNOW that bedtime is going to be a battle. And it's on nights like these where you do everything and anything you can to keep emotions in check and just get them in bed before the floodgates burst. Well, on one such night a few weeks ago, I was unsuccessful and Jane started to completely and totally melt down. After going through my list of coping mechanisms (including begging, bribing, pleading, threatening, and holding my breath) Jane still refused to see reason. (Note: the fact that I am still surprised that, periodically, a 3 year-old female refuses to see reason is in and of itself a sign of my mental and emotional state) As a result, I put her to bed with no books and no songs. Jane is a creature of habit and rituals, and any variation thereupon is akin to canceling bingo night at the retirement home, in that you're likely to be pelted by walkers, dentures, and adult diapers for any change in schedule. (And don't how Jane has access to dentures or adult diapers... it's a long story)

Anyway, she was not pleased with this decision, and sat in her bed and alternated screaming and pouting for the next 30 minutes. Eventually, Em went in and compromised with her and did all of the responsible parenting things while I was hunched over in the hallway rocking back and forth while muttering under my breath. Seriously if my kids make it through grade school without psychotherapy it will be a minor miracle.

The next morning, Jane came into our room and just kind of stood in front of me, waiting for me to do something. I told her hi, and then she said "Dad, I'm sorry I was grumpy last night." I said "It's ok, Jane, I'm glad that you're happy now." She then replied "Yeah, I was grumpy, but you were ridiculous." How exactly do you respond to that? Especially when she's probably right??

2) We were having dinner with Em's family a while ago, and Jane was spending more time entertaining her cousins by doing various inappropriate things than by eating, so I did the "Here are the 3 pieces of food you have to eat so you don't keel over and die from malnutrition" thing with her dinner. I got her to try a bite of something and I said "There, see? Is that good or what?" to which she innocently replied "That's what, Dad."

3) Allie, on the other hand, is convinced that she is going to be the next American Idol. She and Jane play this game where they stand up on the coffee table, sing and dance, then say "Ta Da!" and take a bow. This typically goes on for hours (or until someone falls off the table and cracks their head, but the show must go on!). Well, Allie has taken to practicing in her crib. At night. Instead of sleeping. So a good hour after you put her in her barb-wire enclosed domed prison (aka crib) you can stand outside her door and hear her singing, followed by a "Ta da!" and then a "Day doo, day doo" (translation: Thank you, thank you) which is in all likelihood accompanied by bowing.

4) Allie has also pretty much eschewed words and instead has jumped right in on sentences. My current favorites are "Ooooh, day doo so much!" and "Oh nooo, binkie where are you?".

5) The other night I was putting Jane to bed and she told me the names of her fingers. It was actually this matter-of-fact, as if everyone has names for each of their fingers. They were as follows:

The Right Hand

The Left Hand

Ummm... is that normal?

6) Every night after we put Jane to sleep she comes out of her room for a few things. Typically, she'll need to come out and use the potty, and then she comes out to give her deep thought for the night. These are things that she has been thinking about and can't answer for one reason or another. For example, tonight she came out of her room and asked me "Dad, why do shirts sometimes have names on them?" I didn't have a great answer, but I told her something along the lines of "It's because you're wearing clothes that don't belong to you, so I wouldn't tell people that they have names on them because someone might take it away from you." (Keep in mind that I want to be Calvin's dad when I grow up.)


Anyway, she went back to her room, likely infinitely more confused than normal. Then, 5 minutes later, she came back out and had this mischievous grin on her face, like she knows she's about to be funny and can hardly stand it. She comes up to me, gives me a big hug, and says "Happy Easter dad" and starts giggling uncontrollably. She's been wishing us both happy Easter for a good 2 weeks now and, for some reason, the joke keeps on getting funnier.

7) And finally, the other night as we were having a tickle war, Jane said to me in her silly voice, "Dad, you smell like poo!" (What is about turning 3 and all the sudden potty words are funny?) I explained to her that we never say that to people..it isn't kind or polite. She then started playing again and a few minutes later asked: "Is it okay if I tell you that you smell like shirt?" Um....sure, Janey. Just don't forget the "r", okay?

Anyone want to buy a house?

'Cause ours is officially up for sale. Yessiree folks, step right up and take a look at our fine home. It slices, it dices, it can...leap whole buildings in a single bound...and it can be yours for only 3 easy installments of $39.99. If you act today, we will throw in a free, all-natural wild bird that will live on your front door.

No, really.

We really are selling our house and we really do have a bird living on our front door.
See for yourself:


It's a robin's nest. It wasn't there yesterday buy yet here it is today. Talk about your speedy construction. I am most impressed. I have spent the afternoon trying to convince them to rethink their locale...., instability of the foundation, noisy neighbors...not to mention doorbells, and the likelyhood of strange swaying sensations felt quite frequently. They're not really listening to me. This means I might have to take things into my own hands and relocate them myself. This is when I really wish I wasn't moving or currently showing our house. If I wasn't, I would just lock the door and keep it shut until the robins had had their little family and moved on. I HATE the thought of having to disturb this happy little home. Luckily, there aren't any eggs in it yet.

So, with or without the bird, if you have anyone interested in buying a house, tell them to buy ours. PLEASE!! It is the biggest pain in the keister to keep this place sparkling clean day after day..and be ready to show the house at a moment's notice. (By the way, I used the word keister in front of Jane the other day and she asked what it meant. I told her it meant her behind and she won't believe me. She told me I was lying and there is only one name for a bum "and that is BUM! B.....M....M!!" This discussion went on for 20 minutes. Can anyone back me up here?)

Anyway, for all you who have sold a house, I have all new respect for you - now I know how much work it is. But we're ready for a change and it's a great time to buy a house if you can sell your own. Wish us luck!

Happy Belated Easter

After a weekend filled with Easter egg dying, birthday parties, Easter cookie decorating, egg hunts and much feasting, Jane threw herself most dramatically across her bed on Sunday night and exclaimed "Mom, I am totally GUZZ-ZHAUSTED!!" Amen, sister. But it sure was hecka fun. Happy Easter everyone.

Dying Easter eggs with cousins.

Obligatory Easter dress pictures


No, that is not our house in the background. We like to take pictures in front of random houses....don't you?

Jane happy to be done with photo session

Allie in escape mode. Getting pictures of Allie takes a crew of many people.

Arctic Pools and Easter Goblins

This weekend marked our first real vacation of 2009. We went “uncamping” in Goblin Valley. This means you pretend like you’re going camping to make your heart happy, but submit to the voices in your head who tell you you are crazy to make two small things who have no idea how to stay in a sleeping bag to save their lives sleep in a tent when it is 29 degrees outside…so you whimp out and get a motel room in Green River with a continental breakfast . That’s really long to say, hence we say, “uncamping.” Sadly, the only “roughing it” we did was when we tried to swim the first day and the pool had icebergs floating in it. We tried to find relief in the hot tub but it was completely filled to overflowing with all of Park City High School’s track team. The only wildlife viewing was of a few of these aforementioned teenage boys trying to pull off each other’s swimsuits. Jane was definitely a little traumitized.

Anyway, on to the story. So we have these awesome, super tough friends (the Jacksons) who came with us, and who did the real camping for us. They have two small kids who toughed it out with them and together we all had a great time. The first day we drove in from Green River and met them for a hike in Little Wildhorse Canyon. The weather was great and the kids did surprisingly well. All but Allie hiked the entire time. We collected lots of rocks, found lizards, climbed trees and bribed them to keep moving with LOTS of treats (our friends had a bag of candy for their kids aptly called their “energy pills.”) We finished the day with a swim in pool (which luckily got all of it’s heating problems worked out and the track team had gone home) and made a campfire in a little random State Park in Green River in which I fed my newly vegetarian friends some beef stew. Go me.

That night we thanked the voices in our heads that told us not to take Allie camping as we tried frantically to get her to sleep in a bed with the family. She would have none of it. My favorite part of the night was when she woke up at 3 am and started playing “Duck, Duck…Goose!” on the tops of our heads, yelling it out at the top of her lungs, and then body-slamming us as she tripped over our whimpering sleep-deprived bodies. Jane wanted Allie to sleep under the bed and Jevan voted for trapping her in the bathroom. Benedryl was the only salvation in the end.

The next day we spent in Goblin Valley, playing hide and go seek and searching for Easter eggs that the Easter Goblin had left for the kids (this was me playing out one of my favorite child hood memories of when my family spent Easter in Goblin Valley. I just had to do it for my kids). We had a great time until the Goblins figured they had had enough of us and conjured up a nasty wind storm that sent sand flying everywhere until you could barely see and had sand in every orifice of your body. No wonder camels have two sets of eyelashes. I would have liked my own second set. At that point, we ran for our lives.

All in all, a great trip. Thanks Jimarie and family!

The Allie Cat Turns Two

So it's official. I no longer have to give out Allie's age in months (I hate it because I can never remember how many months she is...the numbers get too big and I can't count that high...in fact, I think she has been 18 months up until....yesterday). She's finally a two year old. Now she is just one year off from fitting her 3 year old body. Hooray for Allie!

We had a birthday bash for her on Saturday night with the grandparents. She had a grand time being the center of attention for a while, despite all efforts by her sister to make herself the star. Allie spent the day singing her version of "Happy Birthday" to herself and putting things on her head in celebration. She also broke out her favorite kazoo and did a few rounds on that while circling the kitchen.

I made her a cake (or tried, anyway) that didn't look like anything fancy but it tasted pretty good. It was a lemon poppyseed (jane calls them "poopyseeds") cake with raspberry filling and lemon buttercream frosting. I still really lack talent in the decorating department. I could not get my frosting to go red - instead it came out this wierd shade of salmon pink. Allie ate a HUGE piece of it and finshed it all off by deciding to comb her hair with her frosting-covered fork. Very nice, indeed.

She got a few presents, one of which was a new scooter, but in typical Allison style she decided that the cheap Nemo plastic ball was the best present of all. She loves Nemo with all her little heart. She calls him "Meeemo."

All in all I think it was a great birthday for the Allie Cat.

In celebration of her 2 year old birthday, here are some of my favorite things about her:

1. When she wants to snuggle, she's really good at it. When she doesn't, watch out for flailing limbs.

2. She is starting to finally say words, although she kinda just skipped to short sentences. Instead of saying "mine!" when you take something she wants, as most two years old do, she says "But I neeeeeeed it, I neeed it!" We have been trying to get her to say please for things but she listened to Jane say "can I have that please Mom?" in her little singsong voice for so long that now Allie thinks saying please involves some long sentence of babble with the exact same singsong tone. I keep telling her that saying one word is a lot easier, but she can't seem to get it.

3. Allie is tough. She takes some serious spills all the time, but very seldom cries. She can also beat you up if you get in her way. Ask Jane. Although, with the way Jane bosses her around, she has to have some kind of self-defense.

4. Allie has to sleep with two blankets, two teddies, a frog, a duck named "Quack!" and a waterbottle filled to the top. Maybe it helps her get through her nights in the "tent" or maybe she has severe packrat-ism. Beware future husband.

5. Allie has no fear. This is good because she will try anything. This is bad because she might die - she will leap headlong into a swimming pool, caring less if someone is in there to catch her or not. She will also take the highest slide at the park on her stomach, head first. Face plants are her specialty.

6. Allie might have a future as a graffiti artist. Crayons and walls are her favorite paint and canvas. She has done it in multiple homes now, not just mine, and one included my sister-in-law's newly painted downstairs in her new house. Honestly!

7. Allie knows what she wants out of life. She wants to make all her own decisions and insists on "picking" everything. From her clothes to her crackers, she has to have just the right ones. That's why none of her clothes match if you ever wonder.

8. Allie has the cutest giggle and smile in the world. She also melts my heart when she puts her head on my shoulder when I hold her and snuggles a while. I live for those moments.


I could go on for a long time, so suffice it to say: We love you Allison!!